MY LIFE!

Today Ravyn Finch has earned her Angel Wings this morning!!  I just now read Kathy's journal and Kathy's daughter Vanessa wrote the news and well as Ravyn's cousin Kambrie..  So, today is the day, I'll always remember, July 11th! My heart is so torn because I cannot fly to TENN at this time to be with Kathy.. I've done nothing, but cried and cried! Ravyn was a warrior and she fought as hard as she could..

This afternoon, I passed some more mucus plug which means the arrival of Alyssa could be days away and there's not a damn thing I could do, but stay here.. My heart just bleeds. I'm thankful that I got to meet Ravyn when I flew out to Tenn, but losing your child is the worst thing.

There are no words left for me to say... But the feeling of pure sadness that only makes me want to hug Tyler even tighter!

Please pray for Kathy and her family at this difficult time..

"Ravyn,  May you fly with the angels and be at peace, doing cartwheels and pain free. You have suffered a hard battle, but at least you are peace.. The people you left behind will hurt for awhile, but we will never stop thinking of you!"

Ravyn's favorite song was "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus That song will be played at her funreal.

All my love,
ANG

Last night, Tyler's friend Maruiceo (spelling?) spent the night with Tyler at my parent's last night. They both had a blast. It's weird seeing Tyler play with his friend. Mom said that they even had a pillow fight last night! LOL  Again, Maruiceo is spending the night again tonight! Of course, Tyler is all excited and happy. Both of the boys are outside having water play and they are playing in the sprinklers jumping thru them and getting each other wet. Mom took the boys to see "Ice Age 3" Mom didn't like it too much. She thought the 2nd one was the best.

As for me, I started experiencing "Back Labor Pains" this morning!! Lord, I hope this child stays put for another 2 weeks, but Ummm.. I don't know!!  My back labor have been going on like once every few hours and lasting for a good 15-20 mins.  So, I'm not going anywhere until I have acutal labor that's every 5 mins, so. No worries, there! LOL 

Well, I'm  at mama's doing my laundy. Mom and I went half and half on a dresser that we bought for Alyssa's room!! :) It's a pretty beachy green color!!  I love it! I still would like to do the "Tinkerbell" theme for Alyssa's room, but I have been having trouble finding "Tinkerbell Crib sets" I've seen them for Toddler bed sets!  :(

Anyways, I better get going!! Hasta La Vista!

Today of course, I was afraid to open yet one of Kathy's many journals of her regular updating posts on Ravyn's health. Still Ravyn continues to amaze us all, she is still on this earth and hanging in there. This week, her brown little eyes have opened up once again and is aware of her surroundings. This I say is the true work of God and his Angels that continue to be with Ravyn every step of the way and they will be with her to her journey back to heaven! This I feel I don't have to worry as much as I did before.. Unfortantly, if anything happens between now and then, I can't fly to Tenn. because of the news that I got from my doctor today and that I'm so extremely close to my due date, which sucks, but I told Kathy many times that my spirit and my heart is with her always!

I went to the doctor day! *lol and shakes her head* Let's just say I was in tottal shock to find out that I'm currently 2 cm. dialated!! ALREADY! How can this be?, I ask myself~ LOL My doctor has informed me that Alyssa's head is down in the birth-canal and is ready for motion!! Since this is my 3rd pregnancy, my doctor stated that I do not need to go to the hospital unless I start having 5 mins apart contractions lasting 2 hours in a row,  or unless my water trickles or breaks then I need to go straight to the hospital, otherwise, I can be 2 cm. dialated and nothing happens for the next 2 weeks. Is this going to be a waiting game or is it going to be "the curse of the number 12 generations?"
Funny as I think about it.. The number 12--If she is born on that day will be crazy. Sean was born on the 12th of Nov. I for Aug. 12th, Sean's Mom Oct.12th and his sister May 12th! LOL How crazy is that?

Anyways, we will see what happens! My doctor said it could happen between now and the next 2-3 weeks!!

So, Look out world, here comes Alyssa!

Surprisingly Ravyn has surrpassed the 72 hour mark! Her will and dermanation to live is unbelieveable and yet she has left this earth! She still continues to fight but it won't be very long until she loses this battle. Right now, she sleeps peacefully unconcous (sp?) She is only awake 10 mintues per day! This, I feel may be her last week on earth. How sad it must be for Kathy. There is just no words to explain or say when you are losing your child to a deadly cancer! My heart just bleeds for her family.

Clayton's fireworks was the best so far this year!! The fireworks lasted 30 mins with beautiful new displays! It was just magical! Last night, we really a great time. Tyler just loved every mintue of it! Daddy didn't go because he didn't want to sit down on the blanket over the grass for 3 hours--which is bad for his back, so he stayed home.

Today Tyler has been okay, bouncing off the wall as usual! This kid has been a big ball of energy this weekend, he just tires us all out!!

I cooked some hamburgers on the grill for dinner! They turned out gooooood!

Well, I better go.. I got some laundy to fold!!

Please pray for little Ravyn. I have gotten news today that her conditioning has gotten worse to the point where the doctor's at St. Jude's Hospital told Kathy that Ravyn has only "days" to live, not "weeks." The time frame that they are looking at is at least 72 hours. How sad this must be, and knowing that I'm going to be getting that phone call soon is going to be hard. Please pray that Ravyn leaves this earth with no pain and peaceful and that she's comfortable.  I know it's got to be hard on Kathy going thru what she's going thru as a mother to watch your child slowly die.

At least I'm off work today!! I am surely enjoying my much needed day off. I am also off on Friday! Yay! *sneezes* Excuse me! And thank the lord, Tmw is pay day! :)

Well Dinner is about ready!! Peace to you all and see ya lata!

It's another Monday, and yet my fam is still in Denver. They will be coming home tmw! Thank the lord. I have missed my lil' rugrat Ty, but at the same time, it was been nice having a quiet house and no tempers going on around!

Not too much is going on. I have my supper cooking in my crockpot at home going on so, I don't have to come home and cook. I don't feel like cooking anyways! All I have to make is the cornbread mix and throw it in the oven for 20 mins and ding-ding, I'll have dinner!

I talked with Mom this morning already. She said they were already at Grandpa's nursing home and visiting with him. Adam and Jenn went to Vail this morning. (I wanna go!) I have never been to Vail, but I heard it's so pretty up there! Vail is by Keystone, which I have been to Keystone and Brenkenridge in the moutains.

V-bird, it was nice seeing you yesterday, and YES we must see Johnny Depp's new movie! LOL I still say, "hot damn!" Everytime, I see the previews on TV! LOL

I so not wanna go to work today! :( Wahh.. I'm not in the mood to go, but somebody's gotta do it.

Well, I'm outta here!!

PEACE!

It's Monday already, and Tyler was ready to go to school this morning. Shoes on, backpack on, and all ready to go! I was like, "WTF?" If only he did this all year long! LOL  At school they're having "Fun in the Sun Day" today, (aka. waterplay) He's all excited about that this morning.

His movie time with Maurico was great yesterday. Tyler really enjoyed having his friend at the house and practicly showed the boy everything that he owns his room! LOL They played outside, ate lunch! It was nice.

I got an e-mail from Kathy yesterday saying that Ravyn is "slipping!" I really don't think she's going to be living befre too much longer.  She has lost the use of both of her arms, and can no longer sit up on her own. She's unable to talk anymore. It's so sad.

It sucks that I'm going to be working all week this week, while the rest of the fam is on "Vacation" starting Thursday 6/11-6/16. Mom, Dad and Tyler are all flying to Denver, CO this seek! Dammit, I wanna go!! LOL

I went Chiorpactor this morning.. What fun!!  *twrils her fingers in the air!*

Well I betsta go! Got some things to do today!!

Peace out!

Whoooooo!! Thank god it's Friday!! It has been a semi-fast week for me. Last night, we had pre-school graduation at my job. It was awesome to see the kids graduate, although there were some minor snafus with my assistant director Ms. Norris' presentation & the kids. *Shakes her head*  Obviously she didn't practice anything! But overall, it was all cute.

When I got home last night to take a shower, it was like 8:30.. The funny thing was, I took off my bra and all of a sudden are starting leaking "Breast-Milk!" LOL I was like, "WTF?" This early? I called my mama, she looked online and she found a site.. Lord. *RME* It's all normal. You can be 11 weeks pregnant and have leaking breast milk! LOL So........... I had to go down to Wallgreens after my shower and got me some "breast pads." Geez.. How embarrising. LOL The site my mama found said, it can stop, or it can still go until after the baby's born, which I do plan on breast feeding Alyssa. Despite how much formula cost nowadays! Good lord!! I rather save my money on "natural milk", thank you!! LOL

Anyways... Well.. I'm at the lib. Too bad they won't  let you check your facebook page, but I have noticed some people know how to override the system and still check their pages on myspace, which I don't know how to do..

Tyler's last day of school is June10th and he's excited. He was supposed to have "Fun in the Sun Day" today, but they cancelled because of rain today. They will have it on Monday.

My Mama went to Tyler's Award Cermony. Mama complaned that the awards cermony lasted 2 hours long because they went thru every 1st grade class and 2nd grade class! Geez...

Well, I'm going to play with my facebook page before leaving..

Girls: My phone is turned back on. So I shall give you both a call this evening!! *smooch* Love ya both!!

Yep, it's Monday again, and all I can say is awww, damn!! LOL

Last night, when I came home from seeing Sherai and Janice, I signed up for the Goverment Vouchers Program on getting a "free" converter box for my TV.  It was really easy to do, and I should have done it a long time ago, but ohhhh well!

I took Tyler to school this morning without much of a hassle, which was good. He still hates school though, but is ready for school to be over with in a few more days! He gets out on June 10th! :) I'm happy for him though! On June 11th, Mom, Dad and Ty will be flying to Denver, CO for a week and they're leaving me all alone!! *wahhhhh!*  Ohh well, I'll be okay.

Sadly, my home phone is out due to forgeting to pay the bill!! *LOL* Ohh well... I will have it turned on by 3rd of this month. I can still take incoming calls. I just can't call out! :(

Well, I better go..

V, I heard you got another cell phone. What's the new number?

Glen, I'll call you when I get my phone back on! LOL

I decided to go ahead to meet up with Janice and her daughter Sherai today! We actually had a nice visit! We stayed at Sherai's house. She lives in Morrisville, off of Page Rd and Hopson. Anyways, we got play on Sherai's Wii! I had fun, we played Golf, & Tennis and watched Sherai play on the Gitar Hero game. Suprisingly she's really good at it! We ate steak and chicken off the grill!! It was tastey!

I did get some information on Sean's wearabouts. *shakes her head* I guess karma kicked him in the ass, as usual! I found out that he moved to South Carolina. (Which I knew he wasn't very far), but I didn't know he was in South Carolina.  Well, the story goes like this.. Here in North Carolina he's still on probation for the things he had done, so part of his probation is that he's not supposed to leave the "STATE of NORTH CAROLINA!" Well, karma caught up with him.. He's now sitting in jail in South Carolina waiting extradition to come back to the Smithfield, NC Jail.  I imagine his ass is going back to prison for breaking his violation which means, "NO CHILD SUPPORT MONEY!" **screams** Damn, these men can't keep their asses out of jail!!! Who  knows how long he will be in jail/prison this time. I'm guessing a year. I don't think the judge is going to go easy on him. *shakes her head*

Janice did buy alot of nice things for Alyssa. Lots of clothes, blankets, etc, etc! I really thanked her for that. I didn't pump any info on her regarding Sean's whereabout, she just up and told me everything. I'm pretty sure Sean doesn't want me knowing anything.

Tyler has 7 more days of school left and he is excited!! He loves that the fireflies are out again!! By 8:30pm he's out there catching them! LOL Silly boy!

Well, I need to be heading home.. I came by to check on Tyler before heading home.. Peace out!!

Today Tyler and I went to one of my friend Aileen's brother's house for a cookout. Aileen and her family were visiting on vacation from Indiana for a week. It was great to see her and her family who I hadn't seen in 11 years!! Aileen is a deaf friend of mine.  Her brother is the only one that stayed behind here in North Carolina..  He and his wife are expecting their first child together in November. The house they built on his wife's parent's 10 acre lot is beautiful!!! They have 2 big ponds to go fishing in.. They're were tons of people at the cookout!! Most of the people were friends of her brother & wife's friends that they knew. In one of the ponds they had people fishing and the other pond, Ty and I saw a huge beaver!! I had never seen a beaver up close before, but it was cool. They had ducks & geeses! It was awesome. The house was huge.. A 2 story house with a sitting screened in porch room, celing fans on the inside of the porch with a little swing. Very country setting!! It was just so relaxing! When the sun fell, they lit up fireworks!! LOL Tyler loved that the most!! *giggles*

It was around 9:30pm when we left. On the way home, Ty and I saw 3 deers crossing the road! Good thing, I was slowing down at the time.. You never know what may jump out at you! LOL

Leaving was sad, Aileen was a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in 11 years, plus I got to visit with her a few hours yesterday, so that makes it 2 days that I got to see her. Anways, I won't see her again until August. She's coming back in August to see a friend of hers that's getting married by then.. Hopefully, I'll have the baby by then and she'll get to see my little baby.. Aileen has a 8 year old daughter (soon tobe 9) Analyssa. She's so cute & funny! Aileen is a single mother like me. Only execpt that she was married and she divorced her husband last year. He ended up being a real jerk.

Tommrow is Memorial day! Yay, another day off from work!! Thank God!!! LOL I don't know what I plan on doing tmw. Of course, Ty begged me to spend the night at my parent's house tonight, so that's why I'm on mama's compy so late at night!!

Anyways, I better get going to bed.. It's so late & I am tired and worn out from today's activity! LOL

Thank God it's Friday, Y'all! Whooooo!! Yeah, I bet y'all can see y'all are checkin' my good mood!! That's because I am pain-free today!! Thank god.

It's nice to have no back pain and pelvic pain. Alyssa must have moved into another postion that she'll stick with!! 

Things are going okay.. I am just glad it's the weekend!  I don't know what I am going to do this weekend. We'll probably cookout some hamburgers and hot dogs! 

Janice came by my house yesterday, but I missed her, I was at the Doctor's office having a follow-up prior to going to the hospital the day before to see if I was having any contractions. Janice left a note sayin that she wanted to drop off a big package that included--Baby Clothes, Diapers and some other stuff!! I was suprised to see that someone's "grandma" is doing something about right. Since I wasn't at home, she didn't want to leave the package because she was afraid someone might take it.  She said she would bring it back another time.  So, that's ok with me.

Not much else to report but to go to work an hour early to pick up my paycheck, put it in the bank and then go look around until it's time for me to go to work.

Anyways, I'm at the Clayton Lib. as usual! LOL 

So, I better go!!

V: It was nice talking to you last night!

G: Sorry to hear about Tony.. I know how that goes. He'll be ok.

Peace, I'm outta here.

Come on' Come on!! Let's get this overwith already!!!!!  This is day two of my lower back and pelvic aching so bad.. Not so bad that it's excruciating pain, but it's "BAD ENOUGH!" Enough to hurt like hell.. I always hate the end of pregnacies.. That's when the "lower,mild pain kicks ins" before the "big ones!" *shakes her head*

Tyler is pretty heartbroken this week. He learned on Monday that his "Girlfriend--Caitlin" at school has been in the hospital for 2 weeks and come to find out that she has Cystistic Fibrosis (Spelling?) At school they're doing a "Fundraiser" for her family selling Tupperwear! They are in need of money for the Medical Costs and her Medication Costs! It's so sad to see a young girl, blond hair and beauitful blue eyes has such a nasty disease! Believe me, I know my cousin Tonya lived to be in her 40's and died with that stuff!!  So Tyler is okay--it's just bothering him a little.. I wish I could make him feel better!!

Well, I gotta go & put gas in the car and go walking before I go to work or do something!! My back kills!!! :(

Peace out!

I'll call you girls lata!!

It's Sunday! *rme* What a trill! *LOL*  I'm at Mom & Dad's doing my laundry! It's been raining all day!! Hope it lets up soon!

Not much else to report day!

Only that I got an e-mail from Janice today.. She wants to get together and have me meet Sean's Godmother! *RME*

I sware: That woman is a trip! She's hot/cold!!

Anyways.. I better go check on laundry!!

PEACE OUT!

Whoo! TGIF!! Finally!!!!!!!!


Glen it was great to see Lin-Min this past week at the hospital! She's looking great and glad to see she's back to her old self--almost!! :)

Things are going good. I went to the doctor appointment.. They baby's heart rate clocked at 140, she's 16 inches long, weighs almost 3 pounds! So, the doctor says "We're on a roll!" He also gave me some more asthma meds incase I have more asthma attacks.  I go back to the doctor in two weeks again! Then soon I'll start going once a week until the baby is born! ^_______^

Anyone seen the Grey's Season Finale? Holllyyyyyy shit!! It was insane!! I'm still blown by it! They sure left us in for a huge suprise right there!! *shakes her head*

Well, I better go.. I got a bill that has to be paid today!! *throws finger in the air!* Whoopiee!!!

Anyways,

I'm outta here!! Peace!

Today I am at the Clayton Lib  just for a few minutes..  I have been up since 7:30am. I took Ty to school and came home. Made me some pancakes, did my dishes and cleaned and mopped the floors, changed the sheets on my bed!!

After work, V and I are going to see Lin at the hospital. I'm very much looking forward to that.

Ohh.. Last night, I made beef cube steak and homemade mash potatos for dinner last night, and mannnnn... Alyssa does NOT like Mash potatos!!!  Every time I eat that, I get the meanest dirreah if y'all get my drift! LOL

Well, I'm off to get some more stuff done..

Glen, miss you..

V, Peace out and see you tonight!! *smooch*

And I'm outtie 5,000! LOL

I needs a vacation B-A-D!

*Shakes her head and sighs*

I just don't wanna do this anymore.. I'm heart broken enough as it is.. It is what it is...

After sending an e-mail back to Janice (Sean's mama) regarding that if they want a DNA test, fine by me, but I told them, I wasn't going to pay for it!! I freakin' refuse!!

Well, I just got an e-mail  back from Sean's Mama being "MAD AT ME" because I refuse to pay for the DNA test and so because of that, she's not buying Alyssa a crib!! So I get punished because I don't wanna pay for the DNA test?? How fucking childish is that?!!

I feel like I'm dealing with Lamont's family all over again and it hurts..

I basiclly told her, "Look, are you going to be a grandmother or not!" Because Grandmother's buy gifts and are "there" for their grand-kids!! I'm not going thru what I did with Lamont's side of the family.. If I have to.. I will cut them off and they won't see Alyssa ever!

My heart hurts enough as it already does just by Sean decideing to up and leave as a father.. Janice also mentioned that Sean is probably looking for a way of this!! *scoffs* Whatever!! I didn't get pregnant by myself, you know!! Karama will get his ass in the end..

*about to cry*

My heart is just tired!!

Today I recieved an e-mail from Janice. I had written her back about that I don't have a crib for Alyssa and she was willingly to buy one.. Well somehow I guess her and Sean happened to be "talking" over the weekend. As usual Sean is filling his own mother's head with some bullshit!

Now they have the notion to want a DNA test done after the baby's born, because Sean's telling his mama, "That baby ain't MINE, it's Lamont's!" *scoffs* Whatever, so yeah.. They want a DNA test done..

I written Janice an e-mail back, saying FINE, Y'ALL WANT A DNA TEST DONE FINE, BUT AS LONG AS SEAN IS PAYING FOR IT!! I AIN'T PAYING 200-300 FOR A DAMN PATERNITY TEST!! SEAN ALSO TOLD HIS MOTHER THAT HE AIN'T BUYING THE BABY NOTHING UNTIL HE HAS A DNA TEST DONE!! *scoffs* Whatever, brotha!

*Shakes her head* Why the hell do you think I changed my phone number.. I ain't got the time for the drama!!  *RME*

Anyways, the weekend's been okay.. With work trippin' dealing with Sean and his mother's crazy bullcrap!! And I often wonder, how the hell do I keep myself sane from all this insanity!!!

Work has gone from bad to worse!! I'll explain all the mighty details another time!!

For now, I gotta get going.. Laters!